3 different people in the last day have mentioned the term “Ghosting” to me. I had no idea what the word meant until I did a little research. Normally I don’t have a problem with the millennial world, the changing of times, or my generation as a whole. I love technology, startups, and the rate at which the world is moving. But this has got to stop.
The Huffington Post created this post about the psychology of Ghosting. Basically the term means letting a relationship slowly die without ever saying it’s over. And to me that is unnecessary and weak sauce. This has got guys acting like Jon Favreau in Swingers when Mike leaves a message.
Call me old fashion but I just can’t relate to ghosting. Why not just tell the person that you aren’t interested or that it isn’t working out? What is the point of letting their mind wander and dragging it out for days, weeks, and even months? Is it because people like the attention? Is it because people can go back to “the ghosted” if things don’t work out with the new person they’re eyeing? Or do people get some sick pleasure out of it?
Ghosting wastes time
My biggest problem with ghosting is I am a busy person. Most people are. If I’m going to invest any time with someone and they just stop responding I will have wasted some of the valuable time I have. I also believe the recipients or “the ghosted” are then stuck with a plethora of thoughts.
- Is this person really that busy?
- Is their phone broken?
- Do they not have service?
- Is it something I said?
- Is it something I did?
- Did they move out of the country?
- Can I text twice in a row?
- How long do I have to wait before I call
- ETC ETC
How did Ghosting start?
I believe the root of the problem stems from the over saturation of dating apps. People can swipe, message, and engage with hundreds of people a day on dating apps and websites. Meaning if one person doesn’t work out, then they don’t have to let the person know. They can just reach out to one of the other hundreds of people out there and initiate a new convo. The problem is it does matter and you do need to let the person know.
If you don’t you’re creating anxiety for the opposition. You’re leaving them in a state of limbo. Not to mention, if you avoid conflict you aren’t helping yourself. Most of all, you’re creating bad karma for yourself. It will come back around.
At the end of the day, just tell the person. If it isn’t working out, or you aren’t interested, just say it. This includes friends, business, relationships, family, pretty much anything. Man up, or woman up, be transparent and honest. It will most likely be refreshing and authentic to the other side.